my first “crush” in a very long time.

So I’m living in a long term care facility. It is pretty nice, in a nice part if the inland San Diego area. There are bus trips to the PB area once a week or so and even though I miss my ocean view of downtown I have yet to take one…for a very good reason!

There is an older lady who’s grandson comes to visit at the exact time the bus leaves every week. Oh. My. God. Is this boy beautiful. He’s obviously a surfer kid, tanned swimmers build (hairless no doubt!) with just the most gorgeous flowing blond hair you could ever ask for. I was able to ask the older woman, Carla, if her grandson visits the same time every week and she said that yes, his mom is able to bring him out between classes the same time every week. It warms my heart so much to know that I will be seeing a lot of this young man for the foreseeable future and may even get the courage to say hello.

LOL as much as I enjoy the ocean, I don’t think I’m going to make it for a while!

Post at This is Thin Privelege on Tumbler

Below is a copy of a post I submitted to TiTP. I know they are super busy and get a monstrous amount of troll submissions they have to weed through so I wanted to put this up here just in case they don’t get a chance to post it on their site:

Trigger Warning: government sanctioned fat shaming and all the normal stuff that goes along with seeking medical treatment while fat.

My name is Simon J and my blog is simonjisforjenius.wordpress.com and I’m also a regular commenter in the Dances With Fat community. I don’t use tumblr very much other than to check into other sites so if you have questions please feel free to email me or contact me through the wordpress site. I am a 46 year old asexual man (but attracted to men, so I identify as queer)  who has been fat my entire life. I was tortured and abused by my military father who thought the abuse would make me “man up” and not be gay. I have every personality “disorder” on the spectrum but in spite of all that, I live a life filled with happiness and even hope.

I was deeply distressed to discover that my home state of California is one of the only places in the world that sanctions fat shaming by law and statute.

This came about at the beginning of the year when I discovered diabetic ulcers on the bottom of my feet and was warned of the usual consequence of this. Of course I was devastated, I was slated for an artificial knee transplant and was thrilled that I might be able to walk again but my orthopedist flat out refused any sort of transplant until we knew what would come the issues with my feet.

After the waves of depression passed, I got angry, very, very angry. I had literally done everything I could to take care of my health but never had an ounce of cooperation or sympathy from medical providers over the years. I was shamed, embarrassed, accused of being a liar about food, not listened to, physically abused, poked and prodded, unnecessarily tested, etc…

I wanted to sue, I wanted to have a very public trial and put these idiots who had abused me on trial for the years and years of fatshaming and medical malpractice they put me through. Fatshaming that had lead to the likely amputation of both of my feet.

I put in calls to just about every lawyer in the greater San Diego area while me and my mother compiled every receipt, prescription, medical record, doctor note that we could find (thank god she is such a meticulous record keeper).

And I waited for the return calls. With such strong evidence I figured lawyers would be beating down my door to take this case. Of the dozens and dozens of lawyers that called…THREE returned my call. THREE. And two of the three was just a secretary saying that they could not take my case.

The lawyer who did agree to meet with me in person told me basically this: The State of California recognizes  by statute passed in the legislature that there is an absolute link between Obesity and many health problems. So this may not sound like such a big deal because that is the common misconception amongst most of the population.

But what he explained to me is this, that because it this link is recognized by law that it is next to impossible for fat individuals to sue for medical malpractice in California, especially if you are seeking legal remedy for any malpractice relating of the “common diseases” associated with obesity (and this is everything from hang nails to bi-polar disorder). So not only is it next to impossible for me (or any other fat person) to seek remedy for medical malpractice in California, that the malpractice insurance companies would come after me for legal expenses and there is a 95% chance they would win it all PLUS extra money.

Please let this sink in…if you are fat in California, you do not have the same rights to the courts that “thin” people do.

I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do. I need special care because of my mental health issues and can’t afford to just pick up and leave.

My version of Christmas Vacation (complete with Uncle Eddie)

By far my favorite Christmas movie is Christmas Vacation where the Griswald family suffers through misadventures (again) but this time with Christmas as the theme as opposed to the original where they went to Disneyland. I loved it because the despite the hectic nature of the movies, the family loved each other clearly. Something I never experienced, ever in my entire lifetime. Well this year was no different. But I do have a great New Years Resolution because of it…

A few days before Christmas I got a call from my father saying that he was personally inviting me over to their house in La Jolla for a huge family Christmas surprise. Keep in mind this is the asshole who basically had me kicked out of my condo downtown and I’m now living strictly off my Social Security Disability in a studio apartment in Chula Vista. To say I was less than enthusiastic was an understatement. I got a call from Mother a few hours later begging me to come over, that my father was really trying to make things right with me. To make her happy I decided to go.

Well because I am who I am, I ended up showing up about 3 hours late to their house at about 1pm (I couldn’t get up to be anywhere at 10 if my neighbors were burning the complex down, which may happen with how much grass they smoke). So when I got there my father was already annoyed with me but he did a good job of hiding it. So after we said our hellos we got both my brother and sisters families on Skype for the big “announcement.”

Which was…wait for this crap…he’s paying for a week long family vacation to Lake Tahoe to…go skiing. Yes fucking skiiing. This fucking asshole knows I’m disabled and can’t ski, let alone he knows how much I hate that kind of thing. The fucking selfishness of him to plan a vacation that his whole family can’t do is staggering. Fucking simply staggering. Of course my brother, his wife and my sister and her husband were ecstatic. My mother was ecstatic because while she can’t ski, she is super excited that she gets to take care of my nephew for a week. But none of these selfish asses bothered to ask me where I would feel comfortable going. How about a week in Vegas where everything is handicapped accessible? How about a week a Disney World where its equally accessible for people in a mobility device?

No, not a chance for that crap at all. I know he’s super proud of himself to still be so “active” in his 70s and still be able to ski but that gives him no right to be a selfish, homophobic, albiest, fat hating prick and plan a family vacation that I can’t participate in. They tried to soften the blow by saying there would be plenty for me to do but I just nodded my head and tried to hold back what I really wanted to say. I kept my mouth shut because all these stupid health and activity nuts would never take my concerns seriously. I left immediately after the skype call faking that I was so happy to my mother but I stared daggers at my father and I know that he knew how much I hated his selfish guts at that moment.

So for my New Years Resolution? As soon as I get the airline ticket I’m exchanging it for a place I really want to go to and screw their stupid family vacation. I’m going to resolve to be happy this year and never appease my father ever again.

A repost of my comment from Dances with Fat:

I have to admit I am really funny sometimes so I wanted to repost this. Ragen’s assignment for us was to come up with truthful slogans for diet companies:

Calories In/Calories Out: “I’m the diet that assumes your body is simple like a car engine. Never mind that you are a complex being with a metabolism that isn’t like anyone else, that you have emotions and triggers that affect how you digest different food. We don’t care if you starve yourself to death or ruin your metabolism for life, because we are so smart and know so much better than you!”

Atkins: “Hi, try the diet designed by “Dr” Charles Atkins who likely faked his time in medical school (never fully determined because he paid off the prosecutor who dropped the charges). This diet is so crazy the author of it was disbarred from practicing medicine in at least 35 states and he couldn’t pop a pimple without getting himself in serious legal trouble. Don’t worry that you gain massive weight gain in the first weeks, month or even years…its bound to come off eventually. And its so expensive you’ll have to mortgage your house. Your body doesn’t need sugar anyways…(does it?)”

South Beach: “Try this diet who’s creator was super jealous of the money “Dr” Atkins and just repackaged the Atkins fraud but with fruit! Because why would you want birthday cake anyways?”

Hollywood Diet: “Hi we are going to sell you two cookies for $42! That’s all you’ll eat this weekend! Luck you! You’re spending the weekend doing exactly what Corbin Bernsen is doing!”

No S diet: “You love your Grandma don’t you!? Look you fat slob, don’t you dare do anything you’re Grandma couldn’t have done! Seconds? NO. Sugar? NO. Hungry for a Snack? NO. Look fatso, why are you breaking your Grandmas heart you insensitive ass?!”

I’m beginning to think that EVERYONE is incompetent

trigger warning: anti gay slurs in English and Spanish.

Today I am supposed to be moving from my wonderful apartment/condo in downtown San Diego to a nice lil’ studio in Chula Vista. Read past blogs and you will understand why, its not fair and its not my choice. Perhaps not seeing the ocean and hearing the booming bass from low-riders 25 hours a day will do wonders for my mental health (need a font for sarcasm, really, really bad).

I am disabled. As much as I want to work and be productive, I just can’t. I have destroyed knees, bad hips and my ankles feel like they are toothpicks held together by rubber bands. So with all that I should be high up on the joint replacement list but fat shaming doctors refuse to interpret x-rays and MRIs correctly and don’t think I need to have my joints replaced. Wow, that got me off an aside…anyways:

So I can’t work. So if I can’t work I can’t move my stuff. And to be totally honest, since I’m being forced to move, I don’t fucking WANT to move my stuff. So being the wonderful mother that she is, Mother dipped into her own secret checking account and is paying a moving company to do the work for me. Unbeknownst to Admiral Asshole (my father) or course.

Well these fucking pieces of shit have already managed to fall behind schedule, get in my way, and be generally rude shitty assholes all day. I now have my Iphone capturing both video and audio  because when the first got here, I swear I heard the smaller one say “El gordo pendejo es un maricon” (tw here: “the fat idiot is a faggot”). Thank god for the iphone6 and its 64G of memory because I would love to get these idiots and their company in a lawsuit for hate crimes. And thank god I paid cursory attention to the names the Chicano homeboys used to call me during my delightful public school experience.

So far nothing is broken that I know of, but there is no way they are finishing this today so it looks like I’m begging Mother for the money to sleep in a hotel as my Tempurpedic is already on the truck.

So welcome to my own personal hell.