A repost of my comment from Dances with Fat:

I have to admit I am really funny sometimes so I wanted to repost this. Ragen’s assignment for us was to come up with truthful slogans for diet companies:

Calories In/Calories Out: “I’m the diet that assumes your body is simple like a car engine. Never mind that you are a complex being with a metabolism that isn’t like anyone else, that you have emotions and triggers that affect how you digest different food. We don’t care if you starve yourself to death or ruin your metabolism for life, because we are so smart and know so much better than you!”

Atkins: “Hi, try the diet designed by “Dr” Charles Atkins who likely faked his time in medical school (never fully determined because he paid off the prosecutor who dropped the charges). This diet is so crazy the author of it was disbarred from practicing medicine in at least 35 states and he couldn’t pop a pimple without getting himself in serious legal trouble. Don’t worry that you gain massive weight gain in the first weeks, month or even years…its bound to come off eventually. And its so expensive you’ll have to mortgage your house. Your body doesn’t need sugar anyways…(does it?)”

South Beach: “Try this diet who’s creator was super jealous of the money “Dr” Atkins and just repackaged the Atkins fraud but with fruit! Because why would you want birthday cake anyways?”

Hollywood Diet: “Hi we are going to sell you two cookies for $42! That’s all you’ll eat this weekend! Luck you! You’re spending the weekend doing exactly what Corbin Bernsen is doing!”

No S diet: “You love your Grandma don’t you!? Look you fat slob, don’t you dare do anything you’re Grandma couldn’t have done! Seconds? NO. Sugar? NO. Hungry for a Snack? NO. Look fatso, why are you breaking your Grandmas heart you insensitive ass?!”

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