My version of Christmas Vacation (complete with Uncle Eddie)

By far my favorite Christmas movie is Christmas Vacation where the Griswald family suffers through misadventures (again) but this time with Christmas as the theme as opposed to the original where they went to Disneyland. I loved it because the despite the hectic nature of the movies, the family loved each other clearly. Something I never experienced, ever in my entire lifetime. Well this year was no different. But I do have a great New Years Resolution because of it…

A few days before Christmas I got a call from my father saying that he was personally inviting me over to their house in La Jolla for a huge family Christmas surprise. Keep in mind this is the asshole who basically had me kicked out of my condo downtown and I’m now living strictly off my Social Security Disability in a studio apartment in Chula Vista. To say I was less than enthusiastic was an understatement. I got a call from Mother a few hours later begging me to come over, that my father was really trying to make things right with me. To make her happy I decided to go.

Well because I am who I am, I ended up showing up about 3 hours late to their house at about 1pm (I couldn’t get up to be anywhere at 10 if my neighbors were burning the complex down, which may happen with how much grass they smoke). So when I got there my father was already annoyed with me but he did a good job of hiding it. So after we said our hellos we got both my brother and sisters families on Skype for the big “announcement.”

Which was…wait for this crap…he’s paying for a week long family vacation to Lake Tahoe to…go skiing. Yes fucking skiiing. This fucking asshole knows I’m disabled and can’t ski, let alone he knows how much I hate that kind of thing. The fucking selfishness of him to plan a vacation that his whole family can’t do is staggering. Fucking simply staggering. Of course my brother, his wife and my sister and her husband were ecstatic. My mother was ecstatic because while she can’t ski, she is super excited that she gets to take care of my nephew for a week. But none of these selfish asses bothered to ask me where I would feel comfortable going. How about a week in Vegas where everything is handicapped accessible? How about a week a Disney World where its equally accessible for people in a mobility device?

No, not a chance for that crap at all. I know he’s super proud of himself to still be so “active” in his 70s and still be able to ski but that gives him no right to be a selfish, homophobic, albiest, fat hating prick and plan a family vacation that I can’t participate in. They tried to soften the blow by saying there would be plenty for me to do but I just nodded my head and tried to hold back what I really wanted to say. I kept my mouth shut because all these stupid health and activity nuts would never take my concerns seriously. I left immediately after the skype call faking that I was so happy to my mother but I stared daggers at my father and I know that he knew how much I hated his selfish guts at that moment.

So for my New Years Resolution? As soon as I get the airline ticket I’m exchanging it for a place I really want to go to and screw their stupid family vacation. I’m going to resolve to be happy this year and never appease my father ever again.


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